Stages of Understanding

Repugnance - We feel physically nauseous at the thought of X. We see
people who [do, are, look] X as sick, perverted, loathsome, alien. We
are hostile and may mock X people. There is no reason to feel guilty for
discriminating against X because we are saving the world from a
loathsome being/action/appearance.

Toleration - We know a few of “them” and feel that, as long as they
don’t ‘flaunt’ their dirty appearance/acts, we can live with it. We feel
guilty if we participate in jokes against X. Everyone knows ‘they’ are
really unacceptable and damaging (at least slightly) the world as we
know it, the ones we know are “OK, I guess”.

Acceptance - “Live and let live.” We have friends who are “that way”,
and willingly socialize with “them”, but... We welcome them into our
churches but hope that not too many show up, lest we become known as the
‘X church’. We intellectually realize that ‘they’ can teach in our RE
programs and be leaders in the church, but privately hope they don’t
“make an issue” of their Xness. We may have read a book on the subject,
but probably don’t own one.

Affirmation - We embrace and celebrate the unique gifts that X people
bring to our midst. We often use the words “gay” “disabled” “African
American” in conversation and freely speak of our X friends to non-X
friends. If political activism is our model, we work for equality of
minorities. We find the Xness of people essentially irrelevant. We have
relationships with people who are X, and welcome them into our whole lives
as equals.

Adapted from Strong, Rev. Douglas Morgan, “Ministering to Gay,
Lesbian, and Bisexual People
(an open letter to my colleagues)” in The Welcoming Congregation. by
Rev. Scott Alexander p.13.